


How Forever Feels

by Anotherbooklover



Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 09:57:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14542215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherbooklover/pseuds/Anotherbooklover
Summary: or, Forever in Momentspoem about life and how each moment can seem like an eternity





	How Forever Feels

At 3   
You say, not yet.   
Not yet. Be patient.  
But I want   
I want  
I want it now  
If not now then I’ll die  
Five minutes is too long to wait

At 16  
They say it won’t last forever  
First loves never stay  
But in my chest is a hole  
As my heart walks away from me  
What do they know, anyway?

At 21  
The night is a blur   
Of alcohol and sex  
I dance and drink  
And drink and dance  
The room spins  
I can’t breathe  
I fall, laughing, in the grass  
Watch the stars kaleidoscope above me  
Catch my breath  
And start over again

At 21  
Morning light pierces through my eyelids  
Driving spikes through my skull  
My heart beat drums in my ears  
Each movement sloshes in my belly  
Coming up my throat  
Oh god oh god oh god  
I heave, acrid, bitter bile  
From my toes to my tongue  
Never again  
Never again

At 21   
The night is a blur  
Of sex and alcohol…

At 28  
I hold my breath as my sister zips up my dress  
Anticipation coils in my limbs  
Shaking, but not with nerves  
I want to jump and skip and shout my joy to the universe  
But I smile, take my father’s arm  
And step through the door  
You’re watching,   
Waiting  
My heart skips then stills   
And starts back double time  
This is my life now  
From now until forever with you

At 31  
It hurts it hurts it hurts  
I’ve been nauseous  
I’ve had aches and pains  
I’ve been exhausted for months  
Now pain racks my body  
Four minutes apart  
Three minutes apart  
I need this to be over  
Push push push  
And then it is  
I lay back  
A small, breathing alien is laid on my chest  
Hearing my heartbeat from the outside for the first time

 

At 34  
The peaceful stillness  
Sitting riverside  
Porch swing and sweet tea  
A soft murmur of voices  
Birds singing in the trees  
My contemplation broken by   
A shriek, a laugh  
And small arms giving a muddy hug


End file.
